Third places foster connection, confidence and creativity
Updated Feb. 9. 2025
Whether it’s a gym, a weekly trivia night or a running club, humans need places to socialize outside of work and home. These “third places” have existed since long before that name was coined. But as modern life grows more digital and urban planning prioritizes efficiency over connection, these spaces are becoming increasingly scarce.
On the mat
For Aria Nguyen, an academic tutor at Bellingham Technical College, her third place has been the same since eighth grade: Pure Fitness Martial Arts in Bellingham.
Initially, Nguyen joined the gym to fulfill a school credit requirement, but she soon found herself deeply connected to the community there.
“It was a confidence booster,” she said. “We’re each other’s rocks. I don’t think there’s ever been a time I didn’t want to come back [to Pure Fitness].”
Now a member of the gym’s fight team, Nguyen participated in sparring matches an exhibition — her first amateur fight. [Ed.: Corrected level of competitions specified in an earlier version.]
Training is a crucial part of her routine, starting her day with jump roping, lifting weights or honing a specific skill.
“You leave your problems in your shoes,” she said. “As soon as you take your shoes off and step onto the mat, it’s just you, your coaches and your teammates.”
For many like Nguyen, a third place provides stability and a sense of belonging. Bety Olson, a coach at Pure Fitness, has found the same.
After moving to Bellingham in 2015, Olson wanted a space where she could work out while also taking care of her children. Pure Fitness provided both, offering a daycare where she could bring her son while she exercised. Now, at 42, she teaches classes ranging from bootcamp to free community fitness sessions, providing accessibility for all ages.
“My kids will say [our coaches and teammates] are our ‘chosen family,’” Olson said. “We have people of all ages, sizes, shapes, and fitness levels all working towards improving themselves.”
Recognizing the financial burden of gym memberships and childcare, Olson also created family-oriented fitness classes, allowing parents to exercise alongside their children.
“It’s incredibly expensive to pay for the gym, and on top of that, pay for daycare,” Olson said. “This way, you’re working out with your kids. There’s bonding, having fun and sharing things together.”
Building community over coffee
Not all third places are built around movement. Cafés and bars serve some people as their space for connection. Many of them actively choose to make community a priority.
Micah Jones understands this well. As the owner of Cafe Blue in downtown Fairhaven, the only Black, Micronesian and queer-owned café in Whatcom county, his goal was to create a welcoming space where people feel at home.
“As soon as you walk in the door, there is a warm feeling, a smell of chai, baked goods and lots of laughter,” Jones said in an email. “It is a very lighthearted atmosphere that inspires creativity, with art covering the walls.”
Now at 25, Jones has worked in the coffee industry for seven years and, after buying the café in 2023, oversees Cafe Blue. With its proximity to Western’s campus and central location in Fairhaven, the café attracts a diverse crowd, from students to older residents who stop by like clockwork each morning.
At only 35 seats, the space prioritizes conversation over computer work, fostering a sense of community. Cafe Blue also hosts events, including a Valentine’s Day market on Feb. 9 from 8 a.m. to 2 p.m., according to their Instagram.
Threats to third places
“Many coffee shops are designed for high customer turnover rather than for people to just come and hang out,” said Richard Kyte, author of “Finding Your Third Place: Building Happier Communities (and Making Great Friends Along the Way).”
Kyte, an ethics professor at Viterbo University in La Crosse, Wisconsin, first heard the term “third place” 20 years ago. His book explores the significance of these spaces and how they are slowly disappearing.
“It’s not home, it’s not work. It’s where we go to meet other community members. It’s the basis of social capital,” Kyte said. “Every generation has fewer friends. Many people work from home now and don’t have much of a social circle.”
According to studies in the journal Nature Aging and from researcher Shimon Saphire-Bernstein, strong social networks are linked to increased happiness, better cardiovascular health and a 30–50% decrease in dementia risk. Yet, fewer people are prioritizing friendships in their daily lives.
“The concept of the self in the world has changed,” Kyte said. “Digital cultures are changing a lot of third places. You find everybody on their laptops or on their phones.”
Beyond technology, urban planning also plays a role. Zoning laws often prohibit the establishment of commercial spaces within residential neighborhoods — places where third places might naturally thrive.
As cities expand, affordability becomes another challenge. Ideally, a third place is somewhere accessible enough to visit multiple times a week, but many businesses struggle to balance community-building with financial sustainability.
Kyte pointed to Starbucks as an example. Once considered a third place, the company shifted to a drive-through culture and modified seating to discourage lingering. As of Jan. 27, Starbucks has made changes to try and restore the cozy coffee shop feeling they provided in recent years, all while blocking visitors from using their space for free. Unless people purchase something, they cannot linger or use the restroom.
People like Nguyen, Olson and Jones are working to preserve third places in their communities. Whether it’s a martial arts gym, a family-oriented fitness class or a neighborhood café, these spaces remind us that connection isn’t just about proximity, but about finding a place where we belong.
— By Neisha Gaskins
Also read in Salish Current:
• “Serving sandwiches and building bonds,” Aug. 21, 2024
• “Breaking the mold: Pacific Northwest women in combat,” July 25, 2024
• “Bellingham Queer Collective opens its doors,” June 3, 2024
• “Library plus … today’s version provides much more than books,” Feb. 3, 2024